The Dark Side Of The Moon, Emmett’s story
by TeawithDent
Summary: like midnight sun, only better! who made Bella come to forks? who made sure that Edward could'nt read her mind? who found the perfect type of blood for Eddy? why, Emmet, of course! hilarious on all counts!


**The dark side of the moon**

**Emmett's story**

**Chapter 1: minor league baseball is a good investment.**

Edward kicked the chair. I snickered a little. The chair had flown half-way across the room and crashed to the floor. "Man, _somebody's _grumpy" I grumbled. He would hear it. "Ha, ha. At least I don't fix all _my _problems- or celebrations, or everything! - with FORNACATION!!!!!!" he growl-shouted at me, and…there was my cue to leave the room. Hmm, wonder if Rose-OMG!!!!!! I've got a brilliant idea!!!!! I know, I know, most of my ideas are duds, but this one is fool-proof. First stop: the chemistry lab.

I opened the huge walk-in closet that Alice had installed. I was using this one for a lab right now. I shared the other one with Rose. "Okee-dokee…. Internet time!" first, I searched the blood-banks for the gene that would catch his attention…check! Ok, out of those someone pretty…no, not what you would like Em, what he would like….perfect! Ok, now, for someone related to someone in minor league baseball (I own a part of that, just as investment)…perfecto! Medical listings of these people (we needed iron plates in the head)… We've got…. Isabella Swan….to Myspace we go! Oh. I guess she's not into Myspace. Facebook? Ah-ha! Here we are… selfless; he'd like that…mature; haha needs that…and…

Three friends? Man, at least you know she's not the 'oh, I love everyone' kind of person; she likes best, best, best! Friends. OMG!!! Her dad lives in Forks!!! That saved me a lot of time! Now; I'll pay a visit to officer (ha-ha, he can protect her! Ha-ha…) Swan….

I knocked, purposely lightly, on his door. "Um…yes?" he looked at me wearily. I smiled warmly, reassuring him. "Officer Swan! How nice to see you! I just wanted to talk to you because…" I paused and looked down "all my friends are gone, or busy; and I don't think I've ever talked to you before…" I shrugged. This was going better then planned. "Oh, _Emmett…_" he got a sudden look of recognition on his face. "You're one of the Cullen boys; come in, come in!" he gestured me inside, I smiled. "So, officer Swan! I heard that your daughter is moving here!" I sat down and smiled. "Oh, yeah." he said ruefully "there are no secrets in this town." I held back a laugh; if only he knew… "You look pretty stressed…do you need help?" he got a sudden angry look on his face. Uh-oh-spaghetti-o… "You think I need _help!"_ he spit out the last word. _Oooooooooooooohhh. _"No, no" I looked at my feet and then brought my face up with a smile. I was leaning forward, my hands in front of me, my elbows balanced on my knees. "I mean physical help" before his face could get any redder I added "to clear a room out for her; or something like that." he let out an "oh" and sank back in his chair, relieved. "Woo, Emmet, you scared me there! Thoughtcha were calling me crazy, _and_ fat!" I laughed. I shook a finger at him and intoned in my best 'mom' voice "you don't think I have any manners, at all, do you?" he laughed. Okay, here is the important part… "Do you need any help moving her stuff in-or making her room 'livable'?" his forehead scrunched up, he was thinking. "I'm good with heavy boxes!" I said, flexing the guns. His eyes widened. "Uh…"he looked bewildered. Too much? "There is a computer in the attic…" I smiled "show me where it is; I'll lift it, chief!!" I smiled, rolling up the sleeves of my cotton button-down. He pulled down that ladder thingy from the ceiling in the hall and showed me up. I easily scaled it; then held my hand down to help him. He shook his head. I pulled my hand up. Too pushy? His head popped up, then his arm; pointing to an ancient computer (if you can call it a computer; it looked like a glorified calculator!) I quickly moved it to the desk he showed me in the room he showed me. Window-check. Chair-check (Edward loves rocking chairs- he's soooooo weird….). And…computer for vampire research-check! Perfecto! Now, while Swan's busy… things to spark her imagination (history says vampire Google search, the bookstore that would give her the info she needs, and…an e-mail inviting her to the beach-near the tribe! Alice had seen some kids revealing our secret to a girl-Bella. Oh, and putting Jessica Stanley, Angela Webber, and-ha, ha, ha; this is gonna be sooo funny, you don't have to be Alice to see what's gonna happen with this contact! - Mike Newton. I hurried down, that had taken a bit and I didn't want him to be suspicious… "It's connected?" he asked. "Yup, yup, yup!" I sang out. He laughed; "it took me double just to un-install it!" he cried! I smiled. "Hey, my moms baking some pie to welcome her…" I shrugged. "She asked me to deliver it so…when's she comin'?" I asked. "Oh. Uh…" he looked embarrassed. "tonight-8 o' clock?" he said it like a question. I winked. "Cool!"(I already knew this, I had checked flight times) "I'll be there!" I shouted over my shoulder as I walked out the door.

"Grrrrr…" I heard Edward grumble-growl in front of the computer. He was probably gonna compla-"it's too slow!!!!!!!" yup, that confirms it. Man, he needs- "Emmmmm…." he warned. I shook my head, and dashed up to my lab/closet. I had made the wallpaper infused with this iron that repelled Edward's powers. This was the same kind of iron that was in Bella's head-plate. Now, I needed to bake.

"Um…I know what you're thinking…"

Rose was looking at me (I was wearing mom's apron; pink with martinis and 'drunk cook' on it) with _very _suspicious eyes. "But, someone new is coming to town; I want them to get a good first impression of the Cullens?" I asked. She sighed, and mumbled about me being crazy. Luckily, she left the room. She had caught me with oven mitts on and a pie in my hands when she opened to door to the closet. Now…how can I get Bella not to notice it? If she notices she might think its from Edward, and that would mess up the whole thing if she thought it was just another guy coming after her, she would turn them down, just like Alice saw her doing to Eric, Mike, Tyler, so many…yes, Alice was in on it. Edward had been wondering about her smug little up-turned lips for _days…_she had been translating _a midsummer nights dream _from old English to new English, from new English to Spanish, from Spanish to Portuguese, from Portuguese to Japanese, from Japanese to Russian, etc. she had gone half-way around the globe when Edward gave up with an "ughhhhhhhh!!!!!" and ran off. I raced to Officer Swan's house, holding the cake carefully. I scaled officer Swan's side of the house and slipped in his window. I silently set the pie right near his head, so he would smell it in the night and gobble it up without thinking; he would forget by morning. I saw a petite thumb pop up over the edge of the windowsill: I got it in the right spot. Great. I jumped out the window and hurried home for her first day of school.

Chapter two: what would Edward do?

Sitting in this cafeteria, waiting for her to come out was _torture._ I wonder if he would notice her right away. He had seen her in their minds already, so a first impression just wasn't happening. But… love at first _sight…_I think they didn't think about mind- reading when they came up with that phrase-ooh! Here she is!!!! *Edward cheeeeeck* I sang in my head. He was probably talking to Alice so he didn't hear me. I masked my thoughts by pretending to be mad over a wrestling match. I fantasized about the rematch, planning strategies…okay, he bought it. I heard him kick Jazz's chair. Must be that yummy Whitney… well, she was standing really close; for a human.

Jasper mumbled sorry and Alice cooed to him.

OMG!!! Edward caught her gaze!!!! She is kinda pretty, for a brunette. My rose is just…scrumdidillyumpsous! But back to him…okay, he seems…unimpressed. Oh, crap. Okay, they just need some time, they have bio together, and that should do something, right?

"Jessica Stanley is giving the new Swan girl all the dirty laundry on the Cullen clan." he muttered to me.

_Hope she is making it good _I thought. He'll be telling her anyway, eventually. And hopefully…I'll get a baby sister!

"Rather unimaginative, actually. Just the barest hint of scandal. Not an ounce of horror. I'm a little disappointed." he mumbled. _Let's hope she didn't take that plate out… 'And the new girl? Is she disappointed in the gossip as well?' _I thought to him. He locked eyes with her again, she blushed. After a minute of trying to read around the big plate in her head, he smiled, but then looked frustrated. That was normal; no one had ever thwarted his gift.

"Shall we?" Rose asked. Mmm, look at those _lips…_

I asked Edward again "so, is the new one afraid of us yet?" I stage- whispered. He shrugged; he didn't know because HE CAN'T READ HER!!! I gotta get a suit made of that to fight in…

I pulled Alice aside into a bathroom. She sighed, but just as her vision appeared, her jaw dropped. "What?" I asked. "Wow. You just…wow." she mumbled. " too..potent?" I asked quietly. "uh, yeah…he's about to kill her." oh crap. God, what to do now? I asked my self; What Would Edward Do? I did the opposite. Ignore it, this might backfire, but whatever; its just a human, one life wont hurt.


End file.
